Dear Danger,
What advice do you have on friendship and getting people to accept and understand you for who you are?
Love M

My Darling M….
In short – when I am struggling – this is my favorite quote by Dr. Seuss:

I’ve referenced that quote before because it’s a powerful statement that I personally need to remind myself often.

Here’s the deal, M….
This was true for me and a lot of people I know – so it might be true for you, too:

When I was small and my only method of transportation was a bicycle with some training wheels,
my friend test required you to pass 2 things:

1. Do you live close enough where I can training wheel bicycle over your house (5 block radius)?
and
2. Are we kind of in the same-ish age group?

“Friends” were defined by people who happened to live close by, who we went to the same school and saw each other every day. Sometimes the only thing we had in common was that we were little kids.

As we started to grow up, many of us realized we had different goals and dreams and different ways we wanted to live our lives.

Yet we kept struggling to maintain our connection to each other….simply because we “grew up together”.

That was my first heartbreak in the friend department.

As I got older, I realized that the more I was my “true self” – the more I attracted real and true friends to me – who mirrored what I wanted and what I wanted to get out of life.

I was really inspired by your question, M – so I made a true friendship test:

1. Do you have similar core interests?

Sure, we are all unique individuals and I’m friends with many very different people.
But I realized because of your question – that ALL of my true lasting friendships all have a common “core”.
They are all people who are risk-taking, growth-loving adventurers – who believe that we can create our lives to be whatever we want them to be – and bravely hurl themselves into their dreams.

They all mirror the person I strive to be myself – and that’s what attracts me to them and fuels me.

2. Do they support and encourage you when you tell them your dreams and vice versa?

This is the true “Partners-In-Crime” question!

Are these statements true for you?
I truly want ALL of my friends to succeed with my whole heart and I will do anything in my power to help them.

I get excited when my friends are winning, achieving, and rocking out their best selves.

I’m addicted to people who are passionate about what they are doing.

When I take a leap to do something I love, my true friends support and encourage me. I know they will have my back no matter what, and will help me achieve my goal if they can.

All together we can be a badass gang.

3. Do they see the best person you can be even when you can’t see it yourself?

Surround yourself with people who BELIEVE in your biggest, wildest self and dreams – and will cheer you on through your darkest days.

Plus

Do the same for them.

Equals

Take over the world.

4. After hanging out with them, do you leave feeling good and recharged most times?

Sure, everyone has bad days….but MOST times do you feel truly recharged and happy seeing each other?

5. Do they make you grow as a person (through adventuring, daring each other, inspiring you)?

My friend, Kurt, just started learning guitar, too. Every day we commit to practicing for 20 minutes and texting each other a 1-minute video of our progress. On the days I’m not feeling like practicing, I always get a text from him with his 1-minute vid and it encourages me to keep going. His friendship helps me grow as a person.

6. Can you trust them?

Can you be vulnerable around them?
Can you let your guard down?
Can you tell them anything and know they aren’t going to run off and tell others?

These three things are KEY.

7. Do you feel like you can be you without judgement around them?

Here’s something really interesting….
I used to “hold back” a lot because I felt like the real me might be too crazy or too weird or too whatever for people.
But I started to draw in amazing friends who encouraged me and made me feel so safe that I keep pushing myself even more to be the real me.
People who don’t judge you – help give you the encouragement to be your true wild self ALWAYS.

8. Do you respect and genuinely care for each other?

Respect and love are the glue to all relationships.
Do you have it for each other?

My darling M – I hope this helped you.
If your friends can’t support and encourage you for who you are…they are not your true friends.
Let them go –
rock out your true YOU
and true friends will flock to you.

I remember hearing this story about a lighthouse…

If you stand tall in YOU and shine your light….
you will guide all the right boats directly to you.

Be the fucking lighthouse.

Danger Addicts: What is your advice about true friends? What have you learned that has helped you along the way? When have you known that certain friends were right for you and some weren’t? Share in the comments.

[sig]