You.

Yeah, you.

Don’t think that I don’t see the page views soar through the roof here when I give some sassy tips.

You naughty thing.

Well, I’ll indulge you.  Because it’s almost Valentine’s Day.  And I know exactly what you want.

I have schemes AND scientific backup.  Damn. Ready to be schooled?

♥  The Hands

Science:   A Mayo Clinic Study found that the sensitivity of our palms of our hands are second only to *ahem* down there.

Story:  Junior Year High School.  Study Hall.  I’m the goth punk freak that exactly three people talk to.   Cool kid, Jennifer Belsy, overhears me telling my friend that I’ve been reading palms since I was 10 and that the sight runs in my family.   Jennifer sticks out her palm to put my eyes on and the next day, *bam* I suddenly have a line of girls (who previously never knew I existed) waiting to be read.

If I knew then what I know know, I would have been class president by the end of the year. Most people do not realize how sensitive, intimate and receptive our palms are. Business people talk about how important a handshake is, and they are right!

DO this:  Grab your crush’s hand, and expose their palm face up, cradling their hand in your own. With your free hand, gently drag your fingers from their wrist to their fingertips, unfolding their hand if it is clenched, relaxing their fingers to a gentle curve if they are stretched stiff and straight.

Then using the most delicate touch, trace your fingertips along the lines of their palm.  When your crush asks what you see…. murmur… “mmmm, interesting.”  Study the palm chart below so that you have some idea of what you’re talking about, and call out the names of each line as you trace.  Lean close.  Make sure you look directly into your crush’s eyes as you say….”this is your love line” and drop your eyes back down to the palm…. “this is your life line” and drop your eyes, and so on. 

Finish with an insightful Hmmmm, then fold their hand back up and release it.  When they press you for secrets (like you’ve just been hypnotized through touch and will now be my sex slave forever) tell your crush you’re just learning, but say it in a confident way that lets them know you know exactly what lies in their future.

This chart is your friend:

For more info – Gala has got a damn good Palmistry 101 post.

♥ The Scalp

Science:  Giving someone a scalp massage releases a chemical in the brain known as  oxytocin, a stress blocking hormone that provides a sense of calm while enhancing sexual pleasure, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D.

Story:  In high school, I worked at a hair salon – I would answer phones, check people in and schedule appointments . One day, after a stylist called in sick and they were overwhelmed with clients – they asked me to do the shampoos.  Now.  Keep in mind, I’m not allowed to date, I’m 17 and haven’t even held anyone’s hand yet (minus a spin-the-bottle girl kiss) and I am wildly repressed.  Teenage hormones are raging through my body and I’m an untouchable.  The mere thought of touching anyone’s head seemed so overwhelmingly sensual to me.  I lathered up that shampoo and went for it – dragging my nails and scrubbing slowly.

After that day, women would come in and personally request me to shampoo their hair.  I went from a floor sweeping no-one to shampoo pervert specialist.   I got to New York City on the tips that I saved from that job!

Do This:  You know how people are always trying to do the back massage thing?  Here’s a fact – shoulder blades – not an erogenous zone.
Scalp?  Yes, please!
Turn the tables on a boring back massage by walking your fingers up to the scalp.  Start from the back of the neck at the bottom of the skull and start to massage.  Let your fingers fan out.  In other words, start with fingertips all close together in a spot and let them all glide apart slowly, each finger parting the hair.  Glide the tips of fingers and fingernails right along the scalp.  Once you’ve reached the top of the head you can step it up a little by starting at the bottom again and this time, after fanning your fingers out, close them again catching the hair in your fist, gently pull the hair a little before releasing. Be careful not to pull single strands, but distribute the pressure evenly over the whole handful. Your crush will be begging for more!

♥  Behind Earlobes and Along Jaw.

Science:  The Kinsey Institute has classified this area as an erogenous zone for both men and women.  Body language studies have shown that when men or women are flirting – they subconsciously tend to expose their neck to their person of interest.

Story:   Vampires.  I’m obsessed with them.  And not the sparkly kind.  When I discovered Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles – the stories were dark, sensual and mysterious.  Before I even had my first kiss, I would fantasize about what it would be like to be bitten on the neck.  I wanted to wander across a vampire so badly – because – hey…
1.  Eternal life.
2.  Neck bites.
Sold.

Do This:  Pretend your crush has a stray strand of hair on their cheek.  Sweep it aside and tuck it behind their ear.  But do it SLOWLY.  Drag your fingertips along the back of their ear and behind the earlobe and down the curve behind the jaw.  Play very casual, but it may take a second or third brushing to get them looking (and feeling) just right. Then announce, “That’s better.” And act like nothing just happened.  Meanwhile, your crush is melting.  Trust me.

Once you’ve snagged your Crush and neck touching is totally legal – take a feather to the back of their ear and trace it slowly along their jawline.

Who knew this innocent little feather would be a powerful weapon of seduction?

Happy Valentine’s Day, you Naughty Things.
Bites and Feathers,
Veronica