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Veronica Varlow
  -  How To Tuesdays   -  How To Not Get Arrested While Trespassing In Green Facial Masks

This How To Tuesday is by personal request of Captain Maggot.

There was a bus dance party last night as the wheels hit the road rambling through the Mid-West. We got to talking about life and all our adventures, all of our memories, all of the good times. The Captain thought this post of mine was one of her favorites and since it’s buried deep in the archives of the Danger Diary, she thought it was time for it to see the light of day again for the new readers. And I have to agree.

I re-read it and it still makes me laugh. So without further ado….How to Not Get Arrested While Trespassing in Green Facial Masks…..

I can explain.


So…it was a time where we were on tour for a long time. You start to go a little crazy. Maybe perhaps making bad decisions.

The good decision: Me, Contessa and Maggot decided that we were going to make use of the running water in the hotel and do facials.

What happened: We got bored.

Then what happened was….: We looked out the window. Saw amazing historical, billion year old cemetery.

Did I happen to mention it had really high 10 foot gates around it and a huge chain lock?

We had one hour until we had to be back on the tour bus to move on to the next country. So we didn’t have much time to think. We are always down for an adventure.

In decisions of “to adventure or not to adventure” – the answer is ALWAYS to adventure.

We started humming the theme to Mission Impossible.

I put on all black and put my hoodie on.

We raced out of the hotel room, humming Mission Impossible and sliding down the hallways as if we were going to encounter enemies at any moment that we might have to shoot.

We saw ourselves in the mirror waiting for the elevator and that’s when I decided this moment needed to be captured.

“Only for us,” I promised. “For memories.”

What I really meant was – “For every single person who has internet access. Just those few people.”

I mean, we are all wearing no makeup, green facial masks, and we’re pretending we’re secret spy ninjas in a hotel lobby in Poland.

This is the part where you click “Like”.

So we race through the lobby, hiding behind couches, tables, lamps, sliding around on our knees. Occasionally yelling “GO – GO – GO!!!!!!” for no reason.

And there we are. In front of the cemetery. Maggot and Contessa heave me over the wall and then they climb up and over.

We are now officially trespassing.

It was beautiful. And quiet. We wandered around just looking at the old tombs and graves. We heard something and saw a creature moving nearby one of the graves. We all got really still. And there it was….a tiny mole. I’ve never seen one in my life. So we all stood there. Barely breathing. Three girls in green face masks, trespassing in the Polish cemetery, trying not to make a move so the mole will not be scared off.

The little mole walked right towards us. A magic old creature coming to welcome us to the cemetery.

And that’s when the police sirens went off, screaming through the silence of the night.


In mere seconds, Maggot and Contessa were hurling themselves over the 10 foot cemetery gates and were on the other side, waiting for me.

Did I mention they have years of circus training and amazing upper body strength?

…….and I on the other hand…… do not.

So here I am. On the wrong side of the cemetery gates. Trying to pull myself over the gate. Failing miserably. I’m trespassing. The police siren is going off and I’m trying to imagine how I’m going to deal with being in a Polish prison.

“COME ON! You can do it!”

I thought about prison again and threw my body at the wall with as much force as I could muster.

I somehow got my left leg up on the gate and managed very clumsily to yank sideways, the rest of my body over the gate and drop to the side.

And then the three of us turned around to make a run for the hotel.

And there was a man standing there with a gigantic dog. Looking at us with his eyes wide. Looking at three green faced witchy girls escaping from the cemetery five minutes until midnight (which was our bus call).

We stood staring at him. He stared at us. His dog stared at us. None of us moved for about two full minutes.


And then we took off again. Me, covered in bruises just forming under my skin from my extremely graceful tango with the wall, once again following behind Contessa and Maggot running towards the hotel.

We got to the hotel and collapsed in the elevator. Laughing.

Then we grabbed our stuff, washed off the masks, and raced to the bus before it left us behind.

We made our bus call AND didn’t get arrested. Not to mention we had beautiful skin from the facial masks afterward.

It was an awesome night.

Hope you enjoyed the story and the photographic evidence.
See you back here on Things I Think About Thursday with one lucky winner of a Route 66 Postcard from me and more wild adventures from the trusty tour bus aka Summer Camp on Wheels.

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